Posted February 8, 2013on:
I’m not going to lie… Recovering from surgery is so hard for me. I am struggling emotionally, physically, and mentally with this surgery. Anxiety to the max.
Anxiety Problem #1: I am freaking out about my left knee. It just feels off and I am so afraid of making it worse. Since my right knee is a huge bundle of wrap, I am relying – mostly – on my left leg. So, if I’m relying on my left leg and it feels off… It just is not making me feel good. At all. I might not be exaggerating when I say I’ve been crying like a baby and my mother is about to strangle me. I just cannot help it.
Anxiety Problem #2: I am so afraid of doing something wrong that I walk around like I am on glass 24/7. This may seem like a good idea, but it is not a good idea at all. I need to get the fluids moving from my knee and start bending/using my muscles so walking around like I’m floating is not a good idea if I want to recover. With this being said, I have no idea how to walk normal. I have been walking around “wrong” for about a year and half. I don’t even know how to walk anymore. Frustrating.
Anxiety Problem #3: Food. You know you saw this one coming from the get-go. It’s weird. I explained this to my mom in the hospital. I get so pumped to eat whatever I want to eat. Actually, I know my eating disorder has almost nothing to do with gaining weight/food in general. I wake up almost every day with the mindset of “I’m going to do this,” but the minute I take a step… It all changes. I did all of this to myself. I restricted. I decided to run more than 60 miles a week. I killed my body. And I’m paying for it. This causes me to go in a downward spiral every day. I’m living with what I did to myself. So, not only am I dealing with my right knee but Mr. left knee does not feel good either. It’s such an awkward thing.
Anxiety Problem #4: My medication is making me feel like shit and my heart feels like I have heartburn after every meal. Oxycodone + some other medication that is more powerful = Sick belly. I hate taking Ibuprofen let alone all of these heavy duty drugs. I do not like to fill my body with these types of medications. It just doesn’t feel right.
Anxiety Problem #5: I feel like Elmo hates me because I’m laying around all day and cannot play with him (ie. Run around the house like a crazy person). I couldn’t exactly do it before but I tried… I think he’s taking a liking to my mother. I’m a jealous dog owner. I’m just being ridiculous.
Anxiety Problem #6: Did I mention my left knee yet?
I should probably start making a Friday Favorites blog post to perk myself up a little.
Does anyone know any good “recovery” stories I could read about… Mostly athletes, maybe runners?!
I think I need to read some inspiring stories I can relate to on a certain level…
Enlighten me, please!