No need to do any labor on Monday 😉 If it was a weekend for you, I hope you enjoyed your day off. Did I mention I only have classes on Tuesday/Thursdays this semester? Yeah, so pretty much every weekend is a four day weekend for me. I see this as a good thing because I have more time to do things; however, I find myself not doing any work and I’m alllllready noticing I’m going to be behind fast, so I gotta work on priorities!
- Visiting health food stores in surrounding areas
- Finding Justin’s Maple Almond Butter (no packets, all jar!)
- Working out, of course!
- Watching Regis and Kelly
- Baking banana bread and cooking a thousand things.
- SCHOOL WORK, SCHOOL WORK, SCHOOL WORK
- Tons of reading
- Powerpoint Presentation
- Organize my books and things still
So, here are some pictures to explain what I’ve been doing the passed few days…
Now, I want to talk about something serious. I’m in the progress of writing about what I went through. “My story” if you prefer me to call it something. It’s going to take me a little bit of time because I want to make sure to include the right information and not too much information. To keep things short and sweet, but explain the important things… For right now, there is one thing which is a love/hate when I come to school…
Freedom. In a nutshell, I love it… However, I find myself skipping more meals at school because I don’t feel anyone pressuring me to eat more. I have no one to “prove” to that I’m eating enough and sometimes this is a really bad situation. I’m trying so hard to gain weight and my mindset has changed a lot recently but it just seems really hard sometimes. I want to gain muscle/weight but not fat. I want everything I’m gaining to look good and not sag or cause the dreaded muffin top. I know I do have muscle and things, but I am starting to realize I’m too thin. Actually, this is the thinnest I’ve been in my life. Here are some pictures to explain what I’m referring to with what is “wrong”.
WARNING: Pictures may cause triggers for some with ED/bad eating habits or those in recovery.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
I know this is going to turn a lot of bloggers away from my blog, but I know those of you who understand and know I’m doing this just to get the right advice/feedback will understand. I know there is a fine line on what to post and hopefully I’m not going to step over any boundaries.
EDIT: I decided to delete the photos. I thought about it over and over and I believe those pictures should be private for now and
hopefully when I do get better, I’ll show you a comparison. 🙂
This is an emotional rollercoaster ride, let me tell you. I’ve been eating things I haven’t eaten for long time. When I got surgery, I completely cut fat out of my diet… Everything had to be fat free. I stopped eating a lot of peanut butter and stopped snacking on dried fruit or anything for that matter. I do believe things like whipped cream and syrup are okay to get “fat-free” or “sugar free” but I was to the point I wasn’t eating any beans, rice, fish, anything really. I realized the other day I’m starting to run again… So why the hell am I still eating all non-fat foods? Disordered eating really does sneak up on you. It grabs hold and changes your body quickly. Before you know it, your completely unhealthy, too thin, fragile, and controlled my a disordered mentality.
I am SO DETERMINED to re-kindle my love with food.
After all, I consider myself an athlete…
What athlete doesn’t fuel their body? Isn’t the point of exercising to enjoy it, sustain a healthy mind, and eat foods to nourish and provide energy, nutrients, and fuel?
Right now, I should not consider myself an athlete.
Athletes do not harm their bodies/minds by restriction.
Did you ever find yourself in an unhealthy eating pattern? Did you realize you were eating unhealthy or were you suddenly startled by your appearance?
What characteristics do you associate with an athlete?
Do you deal well with freedom? (Money, Schoolwork, Partying, College, etc.)
I LOVE inspirational quotes, SO PUT SOME OF YOUR FAVORITES! 🙂