Something new and something is lacking.

Well, first and foremost, I would like to say I have updated my “About Me” section. It has a bit more information about me and my life. It’s not too much but definitely gives a general overview. In my opinion, for right now, it’s just right. So, I hope you check it out and like it because it’s going to stay that way until I feel the need for change. 🙂 Woo, go me! Now time to try and refresh myself on “html” code and making banners. It’s been a long time since my Xanga days of making layouts for people. Oh, the glory days.

Time to get back to reality.

Let’s do the time warp agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain.
Anyone? No… Okay.

Right now, I’m trying to take the time to finish my homework which is due tomorrow but I cannot seem to concentrate on my work. I’m not quite sure what it is, but lately I’ve just been really down in the dumps. I’ve been waking up early and eager to start my day off with an early workout so I can come to this cafe in the town over (where I am now ;-)) and do some schoolwork while drinking some coffee. I wake up and feel good while I’m working out. Constantly, I’m thinking the most positive thoughts about getting healthier while staying active. I think about how much I love exercising and how I’m excited to start fueling my body right because, honestly, I absolutely love being active.  I really love it. Maybe that’s why it bothers me so much that I feel unhealthy. I’ve treated my body poorly when it’s been trying to support me for what I love doing each day.

This is so annoying and frustrating for me. It feels like I’ve forgotten how to eat right. It’s been so long since I’ve had a healthy diet and just ate what/when I wanted.  I’m pretty sure when you’re body hasn’t been properly fed, it’s going to crave food constantly… But it’s really hard when I finish my oatmeal and I’m still hungry.
Now, most of you probably are like, “Sometimes I am hungry.” But I eat double the amount of oatmeal as the normal person. I make a full cup of oats, add pumpkin and egg whites, then top it with peanut butter. I don’t do the measly spoonful, either, I make sure I have atleast two tablespoons. But it just bothers me. It’s such a big meal but I’m left feeling hungry afterwards. And I know I shouldn’t be counting calories, but it bothers me to know it’s close to 600 calories and I don’t feel full?! What the hell? How is that even possible.  I just don’t really understand it.

I guess it just discourages me. I just want to give up. It’s exhausting for me. And I’m left feeling really bad about myself and just… ultimately, sad. I could sit here and cry but it’s not even about the calories… Just the lack of feeling satisfied. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to sit and do my homework [[which is already frustrating since I don’t know what I’m doing]] while I’m so frustrated and just… Grrrr.

Thoughts anyone??


OH, and the Eagles lost last night. That, alone, can make someone miserable… Especially an Eastern Pennsylvanian like myself. 😛
Back to homework, hope you all have a glorious Monday! One day down!


13 thoughts on “Something new and something is lacking.

  1. Don’t feel bad buddy, you’re not alone! Girl, what you typed was JUST like me when I first started recovering, it’s like my stomach was a bottomless pit. I could eat 2 cups of oats easily with a banana, protein powder and nut butter. Eventually my stomach settled down and started getting back to normal. (Good thing or else I probably would’ve depleted the world’s food supply haha)
    I’d just give it some time and listen to your cravings. 🙂 You’ve come too far to give up now! You’re doing a great job fighting this!! 😀

    • I just feel like I can’t eat a cup of oatmeal with all of the stuff PLUS peanut butter and then eat another bowl. It just doesn’t feel right in general, you know. It just makes me feel LESS normal than I already know I am, I guess. It’s really hard to explain. But I just try to eat like half a pound of grapes after that, which still isn’t good… But atleast they’re grapes? Ugh. 😦 I just feel SO rundown right now and just.. defeated.

      Thank you for the support! I really want to listen to my cravings but I know it’s not normal to be hungry after eating that huge bowl of oats! Haha.

  2. aww sweetie! dont be upset! here’s what i do:
    i eat high calorie foods mostly but i snack thru out the day. just eat like 6-8 meals/mini meals a day and your body will feel more satisfied if you are eating more frequently. also if you eat more fiber maybe?? im not sure but you will get there! and add protein powder to everything 🙂

  3. It sucks when you know something in your head, but your emotions aren’t following the logic! Also, remember, that emotions have a way of lying to us. Don’t always believe what you feel, which is very hard. (Like when someone has OCD, they can see the door is locked, they know its locked, but they don’t FEEL like its locked so they check it) Don’t always rely on emotions to give you accurate information. I wish it was easier, but most likely it is going to take some time for your stomach to adjust so you start feeling fuller when you eat. Until then, hang in there and keep blogging to keep you sane!!

  4. Hey!
    Do you eat the same breakfast every day? Maybe switch it up a little bit to see if that helps! When I was trying to gain weight, I ate sooo much trail mix and it helped a lot because I would just eat it between meals and I didn’t feel like I was stuffing myself in an unhealthy way. You know what i mean? That’s not a good feeling so I understand. You’re probably revving up your metabolism by feeding it quality food, which explains the hunger. I went through the SAME thing so I totally get it and know the feeling. I wish there was some magic advice I could give you to make it easier for you! Just know that you’re doing the RIGHT THING and YES it’s hard but soon you’ll get to that point where you feel like you CAN eat whatever you want and not think twice about it! Have you ever thought about going to a nutritionist or dietician? They can help you figure out what your body really needs and that might help with the feelings you’re having about food just not feeling “right.”
    xoxo hang in there! You’re not alone!!!

  5. Hey girl! Give yourself some slack and give your belly some time.. if you keep eating enough your stomach will be normal and not be sooo hungry 24/7! It’s all good. I know a lot of people (including myself) who eat over 600 calories a meal. Just think of how you are supporting your body! Woo hoo!

  6. What you are going through with your hunger is so normal!! When I began eating enough again my body was the same way. It took me finally getting to the weight my body wanted to be at and feeding myself for 4 months. Finally my hungry/full cues became more normal. Just give it time, your body will learn how to feel full again 🙂

  7. Aww girrlfrannn!! I can’t fully relate to what you are going through, but I can say that when I am constantly hungry some days, it’s because my body is lacking something..either fiber or protein usually. Your breakfast sounds great, and if you are still hungry try eating an apple or drinking a big glass of water. Both of those fill me up. OR just eat more! Give your body what it’s asking for..soon your metabolism should even out and you won’t need quite as much to feel full. Don’t focus on calories (I know I know, easier said than done) and focus on your hunger cues!

  8. oh girl, i eat about 600-700 calories for breakfast every morning! i think thats perfectly healthy and a great way to jump start your metabolism for the day!! plus u are very active and already have a speedy metabolism to begin with!!! im working on this too but we need to stop judging hunger and look at it as it means we are active and we need fuel!!! easier said than done but ill try to help you if you try to help me! haha

  9. Hi girl,

    I began to read your blog a few weeks ago and all this is so recognizable.
    I feel the same way about calories, eating a lot but still feeling hungry, …
    At this moment I hate myself so much. My body can’t handle normal quantities of food anymore and that’s so wrong. I want to be healthy and normal, but it’s so hard to convince myself it’s ok to eat more, to gain weight.

    Take all the time you need.

    Good luck and a big hug!

  10. Eeepp I know how you’re feeling girl. When I was eating really terribly I was constantly hungry regardless of how much I ate – I realized it was because I kept ignoring what I really wanted or I was eating the same thing every day. Once I tried something new I felt soo much better. I stopped craving all the quick digesting carbs that I ate. I find that when I eat greek yogurt with fat and carbs I find myself much more satisfied. You’ll figure it out but it might take some time. Don’t give up!

    So disappointed about the Eagles 😦

  11. I definitely agree with the breakfast thing, especially Greek yogurt. Protein always seems to fill me up more than anything else. Another thing i do is scrambled eggs with tomatoes and spinach in them and a little cheese, gets veggies and a lot of protein at the same time :). Really filling and healthy!

    My body’s hunger cues are totally messed up too. It’s something that a lot of people go through.

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