And still have not uploaded the photos to go with it.
I’m such a novice blogger. Ooof. But here it is 🙂
Guess what I found?! LIBBY’S PUMPKIN! Okay, I’m not going to lie… I did squeal a little bit. I should probably stay out of that Giant for a couple of days because they probably have a sign reading, “WANTED: Crazy Girl Seen Hugging/Hoarding Libby’s Pumpkin” Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m going to fill a cart. Not even joking. Is that wrong? I didn’t think so.
Being kicked out of Giant is going to be an issue when I need last minute items, like cinnamon. My apartment is in walking distance of Giant. Do you know how awesome it is? Pretty awesome. Especially because I love Giant’s salad bar. And guess what this Giant has?! BLUE CHEESE CRUMBLES. Awwww yeahhhh! Those are hard to find on salad bars… At least around these parts. Well, the salad is actually Strawberries, Spinach, Blue Cheese, and Bacon… But I pick out the blue cheese. Just another reason Giant has a wanted sign of me pasted inside. Ooof.
On another note… I found a few good things. Try this can of pumpkin for instance. I found this at a farmer’s market before Libby’s was found in Giant. I think I’ll keep this momma for the summertime. Yeah, hoarding at it’s finest. Also, Thompson’s Bagels now have “Limited Edition” pumpkin bagels. Uhm, yum! I mixed greek yogurt + pumpkin + cinnamon and used it as “cream cheese” in my bagel. Holy moly, it was so good. You must try it! I would have a picture butttt it was put together in 5 minutes and thrown in my bag as my “dinner” between my 5 hour block of classes.
So yesterday I had a bad eats day. I didn’t make my calorie mark by far. Actually, this whole eating more thing is stressing me out. I can get enough calories for the day easily. I can sit down and eat about 800-1000 calories of sweet potato fries lickity split. BUT sweet potatoes don’t really have fat in them. That’s my problem. I need fat in my diet… Except everything I like is nonfat. Ever since I was a baby, my mom has given us nonfat milk. If I drank milk at a friend’s house who had two percent, the only way I could drink it was if it was chocolate milk. Simply put, I hate thicker dairy products. 1%. Ew. It grosses me out. I don’t like the creaminess and I never have liked it… So, cottage cheese, milk, yogurt, even cheese… I like it to be non-fat. Otherwise, it seriously grosses me out. I know what you’re thinking but there was an instance when Starbucks put regular milk in my latte [those bastards] and I couldn’t even drink it. The milk just coated my mouth. Ugh. Yuck yuck yuck. With this being said, it’s hard for me to get fat through anything.
Should I focus on calories for now or just fat?
I got so stressed out the other day, I broke out in a sweat. My heart rate increases because I get so upset. I want to eat certain things but I know I should be eating other things. Then, after I eat what I “should eat”, I’m left so unsatisfied that I could cry. I just get so overwhelmed with trying to pick the right foods, I’m missing out on what I really want to eat. I didn’t even do a presentation because I couldn’t get myself to concentrate on it. This is what I’m afraid is going to happen. I got a salad from Giant and covered it with chickpeas, imitation crab, and blue cheese. And you know what? The whole time I was eating it, I was wishing that I had my old salads back. I liked cottage cheese better than blue cheese. And I don’t really want chickpeas on my salad. It didn’t taste nearly as good. It’s not even the calories which bothered me. I mean, I’m all about eating more… Even though I feel gross all the time. But the fact I was so unhappy with what I was eating just upsets me. I bothers me when I eat oatmeal for breakfast, then I want another bowl around dinner. Is it bad to eat it twice in one day? I mean, honestly, my bowl of oatmeal is probably the most fat-dense meal I eat… considering I smother it in peanut buttah… So, is it okay? Or is it completely not nutritious to eat that much oatmeal? UGH. I can’t believe I didn’t do the presentation. My mind is just so focused on making myself better. I don’t know how to balance everything.
So again, should I focus on calories or fat? Who knows. 😦
My mom brought up the fact I should just “eat tons of ice cream” since I have an excuse to do so. But, like I said in my prior post… I don’t want to get addicted to sugar. Last year of my spring semester, I became reliant on a big tub of frozen yogurt to keep me happy. It made up for my loneliness and stress throughout the day. It was frozen yogurt and dark chocolate treats which became my best friend… Until the next day when I woke up feeling gross and extremely tired. The sugar would just overwhelm my body. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep at night because I would just be so hyped on sugar. Then, I would wake up feeling absolutely terrible and have to sit through class all day. I mean, yeah I was fueling my body. But with what? Terrible things. Not nutrients. Not vitamins. Maybe calcium… Moderation is key, I guess. But I can’t moderate. That’s why I don’t want to even start bringing those things back into my life. I’d rather sit and eat a pound of sweet potatoes, please.
I know I’m not going to get a lot of people staying on my blog when I’m writing pages and pages about my life dealing with food. A lot of people do not read blogs to read about people bitching about their lives. In fact, I’m sure people like Julie and Janae can’t stand blogs like this… I think I give blogging a bad name. Maybe this should be considered more a journal? Yeah, maybe. Oh well. I just hope you guys know I’m doing this because I want to get to know people and I want individuals to get to know/help me through this process.
IMPORTANT: PLEASE GIVE ANY THOUGHTS, EXPERIENCES, ETC. ON GOING TO A THERAPIST.
I am contemplating going but I have always looked as therapists as a joke [sorry to those out there, it’s nothing personal] my whole life. I’ve always just said they were pointless, but with everything I’m going through… I thought maybe I should give it a shot. I’m such an independent person, though. Should I go??? I would like to know what you guys think! PLEASE give any feedback you can. It would be A LOT to me!
Sorry for taking so long guys, and sorry it’s pretty bland. I understand if you’re bored. Haha, hope everyone had a good weekend!