Thanks “for-not” giving…

Thanks “for-not” giving… Sometimes I think reading blogs is hurting more than helping, but the support you get is amazing. It’s just so hard for me to read about everyones fabulous thanksgiving. I ruined mine… Or my “ed” ruined it. It’s so depressing. I just hate every moment of being home, unfortunately. And I’m getting my second surgery on Thursday of next week. That’s right, folks. The process restarts… And I want to do it right this time, but I believe coming home just brought on bad habits. It’s so hard to explain but I just feel like I can’t eat infront of my family. I feel awkward and it’s hard for me to see happiness on my mom and dad’s face while I’m gluttonous and feel terrible about myself. I know that sounds selfish, but when your heart aches and you’re uncomfortable… Seeing joy on people’s faces is just not something to be happy about. I hate how much my life has changed… I hate how I haven’t enjoyed a Thanksgiving in about 5 years. I hate the fact home is uncomfortable. Unfortunately, this is all just a huge mistake. I’m sorry for being a downer… No one likes a debbie downer. But this is almost like a journal for me. Oy vey.


4 thoughts on “Thanks “for-not” giving…

  1. Don’t feel bad about venting, it helps so much to get those feelings out! I’m sending you a buttload of support and hugs, you’re strong my friend, you can do this. 🙂

  2. Yes, don’t feel bad at all. Hopefully putting down your thoughts here helps you and helps others help you as well 🙂

  3. I feel like every time I read your posts I feel more and more like we have so much in common. What you write means so much to me because so much of it is exactly what I am feeling each day. I admire you for being able to share your thoughts and tell how you feel. Holidays are very hard and I truly understand the frustration and sadness. I feel like I am sometimes the only person on earth that hates Thanksgiving. xoxo I hope things start going better for you and I would love to talk sometime.

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