As you all now, this process is a tough one. I made a goal/promise to myself after I got out of the hospital. My body is aching because of how much I’ve put it through. We are not talking months or a year or two… We’re talking five years of unhealthy eating habits. Yes, this started my junior year of high school.
So, what is my ultimate goal? Well, besides my knee to look/feel normal which I believe is out of the question at this point…
Goal: No exercise (Besides PT stretches/quad strengthening) until I gain five pounds. (Maybe even 10)
No weightlifting, cardio, swimming, cycling, biking, or anything until I gain five pounds. Now, I may do yoga if my knee gets better (which it probably won’t feel up to yoga anytime soon) because I have bad anxiety. Although yoga is a workout, I believe it holds more of a meditation-like value for me. My therapist suggested it a few weeks ago and I believe (when I’m cleared to do so) I will hit up a few yoga classes. This won’t be anytime soon, though. Also, workouts will not include anything I do with my PT because I have to get strength back in/around my knee badly, so anything I do with him does not count. That’s going to a good cause.
So what’s the point? Well, for one… I need to get healthy. My body is showing it has had enough already. For two, I want to consider myself an athlete again. Athletes do not nourish there bodies through strictly fruits/raw veggies. Athletes eat protein, protein, protein… And healthy fats, of course. 😉 Thank God I love nut butters. Who am I now? I bet whenever I go to the gym, there is not one person who thinks, “Wow, that girl looks really athletic.” Right now, I know for a fact I’m referred to as, the skinny girl or “Wow, that girl is really skinny.” Is that what I want to be seen as? Well, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be thin. But thin also can mean fit, athletic, and “in great shape”. Therefore, if I want to exercise and i love exercise more than calorie-burn, I will lose this weight.
The goal is to become an athlete again:
- Have nice, muscular thighs. Not twig legs that are not even close to touching in the middle.
- Meat on my bones. Not skin and bones.
- Boobs would be nice, but athletes don’t always have boobies either. 😉 But seeing my chest bone = not attractive.
- Nice toned, muscular arms. Not arms you can see with veins protruding out of the skin.
- Strong mentality and emotions. This is tough for everyone, but extremely tough for malnourished minds.
- A healthy heart, body, and soul.
- A long life.
- Friends, family, and fellow athletes to spend time and enjoy a healthy life with
These are just a few.
So, that’s my goal. So far, so good. I’d be lying if I said this was anything close to being easy. I really want to go home, but home seems to be really triggering for me. Home does have a ton of Christmas cookies, though. And home will provide me with a lot of money for food/going out to eat. I know if I came home, my dad would always be down to go out for breakfast/lunch/dinner. I mean, I am still trying to gain weight from healthy fats… “Here she goes again, restricting”. No, by healthy fats I mean spoonfuls of natural peanut butter, not Jif (with hydrogenated oils). I need to start researching healthy fats/natural food products, not recipes I will never make.
So, those are my thoughts in a nutshell. My goal for however long it takes to gain the weight and my ultimate goal for health.
Please let me know your thoughts, suggestions, etc, etc.. I love talking things out with people. It seems to help so much when you have support!