Knee Problems = Uh-oh.

Good morning/afternoon/evening, everyone! Depending on where you are located and when you wake up to check blogs, I didn’t know which to include! 😉

My life has been hectic lately and to say I’m not nervous about student teaching would be an understatement. The last two days I was at a two-day “Teaching Strategies” workshop in Harrisburg. The whole time I am sitting in these workshops, I realize how much I am going to stink at student teaching. I know, I know… “You must have confidence.” Well, let me tell you…  I have no idea what I’m doing.

Over the past couple of years, I realized more and more how many of my peers excel with what they are studying. I struggle all the time in my mathematics’ courses and I think I’m going to have a really difficult time teaching my students. The main reason? How am I going to teach my students things I don’t remember/understand, either. There’s times when I forget little mathematical formulas and things… This gives me the Heeby-Jeebies times a million. I mean, when I was in the schools it was hard for me to tutor one student or two students… I didn’t know the answers to questions and I’m not okay with this. I’m a firm believer that you’re job as a teacher is to be absolutely set with what you are teaching. It is so important for children to have a teacher who is not only effective but knows/understands what they are teaching their students. I feel like I am just… not cut out for this. And considering it’s almost one week until I’m in my first student teaching placement, I am shaking in my boots.

Not only am I dealing with this… But my knee/leg swelling is not getting better. I am extremely emotional and this is a serious struggle. I would be lying if I said I was not having a lot of bad days with food/ways of thinking. It’s hard for me to want to eat when my knee isn’t getting better… I don’t enjoy anything throughout the day because all activities I enjoy require good knees. I just find myself in the hole of, “Why eat when I wake up every day hating my life?” It’s just really hard to push these thoughts to the side. I haven’t slipped back, but it’s hard for me to make progress. Another thing making me upset is the fact I feel like no one understands the seriousness of what I’m going through… They only are considered with how much I’m eating and the fact I cannot exercise. So, they’re all happy… While I sit here and cry all day/night. In all honesty, I believe I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for the past two weeks. It’s not healthy, believe me… I know.  But I just can’t be happy when I’m only 21 years old and feel like I have a knee of a 65-year old woman who has been a maid her whole life. Not good and I might have to pull myself from student teaching because I cannot stand without my whole entire leg become a swollen/uncomfortable mess.

Aside from these two issues, I haven’t really been too busy. I’ve been challenging myself every day no matter what and, in my opinion, that’s moving forward.

I hope everyone is having an amazing beginning of the year… I’m going to keep sticking with my “new year, new life” goal; however, this knee is (literally) holding me back. I just wish one morning I would wake up and feel normal again. I’m praying for a miracle.

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32 thoughts on “Knee Problems = Uh-oh.

  1. My mom hurt her knee at work and has been off for about 6 weeks. She was starting to get depressed because she couldn’t walk (which she loves to do!). She got surgery last week and is already recovering 🙂 Things will work out for the better and I hope your’s heals fast 🙂

  2. I hope your knee starts feeling good soon! Don’t worry about teaching math… if you love teaching it’ll work out. And you’ll probably find teaching helps you understand the concepts better. I’ve done tutoring in some subjects I was a little iffy in and teaching it forced me to actually understand the concepts. You sound like you’re an amazing teacher, you seem to really care about the students education, and you’ll get through it all!

  3. *hugs* really sorry about everything going down, your knee not recovering like you feel it should, and being so nervous about student teaching. If it helps, one of my friends actually thought student teaching was even harder than when she started teaching for real, just because she felt like everything she did was very, very, scrutinized. As a first year teacher, she had evaluations and stuff, but she felt like they were trying to help her improve, whereas her student teaching experience was more like “you’re doing this wrong, blah blah blah”.

    As far as being cut out for it… not everyone is, but you ARE a student. People know you still have a long way to go before you can actually teach. And even though your degree is in teaching, if you don’t want to do it after college, no one’s forcing you. I work as a technical writer and my manager and senior writer are both former teachers.

    Good luck with your knee recovering. Have you been back to the doc? I mean I know it was pretty serious, but it’s been a few weeks now… it might be worth it to go back just to make sure everything is okay, and definitely get cleared to stand for long periods of time before you student teach. If you already feel like your knee is that of a 65 year old, the last thing you need is to unknowingly make it worse :(.

  4. hi there laur,
    i’m a teacher of 10 years and i felt the same way when i was teaching math for the first time. don’t be discouraged — stay 1 or 2 lessons ahead of the children and you’ll be fine. if someone asks a question you don’t know — take it as a teachable moment. say “excellent question! let’s figure it out together” and go from there. you’ll be fine — as long as you love children, you’re 90% of the way. stay strong! xoxox

    • They really are a pain in the butt. I’m just trying to heal it as much as I can and DO IT RIGHT. I just hope third surgery is a charm. I actually decided to come home so I had re-assurance from my parents I was resting/doing things properly; however, that’s why I’m frustrated currently because it still seems to just not want to heal!

  5. Don’t worry girl, I’m sure you will do great as a student teacher!! I totally understand being nervous, and the first few days will probably be the hardest cause you don’t know what you’re doing, but once you get into the routine, you’ll get the hang of it and you’ll be great! I’m sure the kids will love you!

    As for the knee, I really hope it gets better for you soon! I’ve gone through the same things and I know how it feels to not be able to do any form of exercise. It makes you not want to eat anything because you feel like you haven’t earned it. I struggle with this all the time and I know exactly what you’re going through! But hopefully your knee heals soon and you’ll be able to get back to doing what you love! Things will work out for you in the end! I’ve learned you just need to take it day by day!

    • I really hope I get the swing of things! I know some people really struggle so I want to focus on the advice my co-op gives me, as well as my professors/fellow student teachers. I hope the kids like me! I know some of them can be a handful!

      Honestly, that’s the biggest struggle as far as eating goes. I’ve been struggling with an ED for a couple of years, but at least I ate prior to this summer… After I found out I tore both of my menisci, everything just fell apart and never got better. Hopefully third surgery is a charm!

  6. Hi deary! Just to let you know, having just finished up my student teaching, please feel free to email me or message me or something any time you need anything. Seriously, though. You will be perfect. You wouldn’t have made it this far if that wasn’t the truth. I can’t wait to see the amazing things you do! Keep your head up!

    Oh, and ps, my roommate from last year was at that little teaching strategies thing!

    • We definitely need to have weekly meetings so I can sit and cry ask you for advice and stuff! Seriously, we need to get together. I’m 100% down for meeting in Starbucks or Corner Coffee or even the Brand Spankin’ New Diner hahah! But seriously, it actually looks nice. Have you been yet?? And what is your roommates name/major??

  7. I totally know how you feel about the teaching thing – I’d be scared shitless!! I think you should still give it a shot though – sometimes explaining concepts to other people (though I’m a science girl, no math for me please haha) helps reinforce them in my mind, so maybe it’ll be good! I bet the kids will love you anyway though :-). I’m sorry your knee still feels poopy too!! You don’t have to feel bad about or apologize for the bad days either – recovery is a struggle, and no one can be perfect every single day right off the bat. I sure as hell wasn’t and even though I guess you could say I’m “recovered” more or less I totally still have bad days where I don’t live up to my goals. Just keep pushing through and eventually it’ll get easier, little by little! 🙂

  8. Hang in there, I’ll be praying for you too. 🙂 You will be a great student teacher because you understand the struggles that come with learning and being a teach is more than drilling kids with info, its being there for them on an emotional level, letting them know you care and they can trust you. I hope your knee starts to heel, I know that is really hard, but you will get through, I promise! ❤

    • That’s one of my MAIN philosophies for teaching, actually! I believe a teacher MUST be approachable in order to be effective; otherwise, the students won’t talk to them or approach them with problems. I hope I get through it soon!

  9. I was so nervous before my student teaching but it was such a great experience! I worried about all the same things you are worrying about; no one expects you to be PERFECT so stop being so hard on yourself!!! You don’t go into student teaching knowing everything; if they expected you to know everything, you could skip student teaching altogether 😉
    Seriously though…take it one day at a time…usually you observe the first week…and take over one class per week (I’m an elementary school teacher so I know it’s done differently but my friends who were HS took over one class per week until they were teaching everything…I did the same but took over one subject per week…)
    It is going to FLY by so enjoy it…you will learn a lot and make wonderful connections. Enjoy the experience and REMEMBER it is a learning opportunity!!! You will be great!!! Show up with CONFIDENCE!!!!!! 🙂

    • I think that’s how our system works but I am not sure at all! I hope I can just stay open minded and not getting too down on myself when embarrassment happens throughout the lesson! Haha. I know my co-op is there to help so I have to just remember to ask questions and listen to ALL of the advice she gives me. She’s going to get a few laughs and shutter at some things, I’m sure. haha!

  10. i will be praying for you hun and i am so sorry you are going through this. i dont care what your weight is, how much you are eating, healing physically, if you are mentally struggling so much, you need assistance.
    if you ever need anything i am here. and teaching, that comes with practice. the first year may be nerve wracking but after that you will be a pro. the students will love you!!!!

  11. I am praying that your knee heals, as I understand the immense struggle that is an injury along with an ed. That is HARD, but please swim against the current that tells you you are not strong enough to keep your head above the water. You ARE so so strong and so so beautiful, and it is not ok for an ed to take away from you the beautiful life you have to live. Challenge the thoughts that you know deep down are destroying your body. Keep fighting girl ❤
    Stay confident… as a teacher, you will be pure greatness… I cannot see why they won't all LOVE you. Keep your chin up… can't wait to hear about it.

    • It really is hard to battle two things at once! Especially when I’m supposed to be feeding my body but it continues to not heal and then I constantly think, “I don’t want to live like this, so why eat?” It’s REALLY rough. Thanks for the support and I really hope I can get through student teaching!

  12. Found your blog through Hungry Runner.
    I hope you are surviving student teaching! I was an intern last year (and getting my master’s). It is so busy and so hard! Some advice for staying above water, and trust me, you might have just a hair sticking up sometimes. Observe as many teachers as you possibly can. I was an intern so I was free to do what I wanted, so during my prep I observed someone everyday. Didn’t have to necessarily be in my department, just someone. This really helped me to develop my teaching style, classroom management, setting up a classroom, all that stuff.
    Don’t stress about students asking you questions (and they really don’t ask too many that you can’t answer). You can say, “Let’s figure this out together.” “I really don’t want to go there because you are having difficulties with this material” (I teach science, so it can get kind of deep sometimes) or simply say, “You know, I really don’t know. My knowledge on that subject is limited.” I have to do this quite frequently. The majority of the students are ok with that answer. They realize that I am not a walking dictionary, and I am only human. Other students, might not, but at least you are being honest and up front with them.
    Don’t be afraid to teach from your stool/chair where ever if you need to sit down. I am dealing with knee issues myself, since September 2011. I get really tired some days standing and teaching. It is mostly my 8th period. However, I still can command the classroom from my chair. My students know I have knee issues and that sometimes I may need to sit down and teach from there. As long as you have good classroom management and you have established appropriate behavior in the classroom, you can teach from anywhere. If they stick a toe out of line while you are sitting, you let them know that just because you are sitting doesn’t mean playtime. You let them know once, and it won’t happen again (that is, if you have established those rules).
    Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help! I was always in my departments’ classrooms asking/begging/I’ll do anything if you help me. I did walk into a great department where we collaborated on everything down to teaching the same lesson the same day. It was taught in our own style and way though. I was given powerpoints, worksheets, graphic organizers, labs, tests, whatever I wanted as long as I asked. We had stuff on a shared drive, but I always asked the other teachers to see what stuff of their own they were using that day.
    Anyways, I hope this helps! I hope your knee starts to feel better. Really, I think the best remedy is just staying off of it and letting it heal. I have been trying to heal for a year and a half now. I got nothing. I have tried physical therapy, ASTYM, cupping therapy, cortisone, biking, elliptical, plain old running, deep tissue massage, steroids. I am nowhere near the end of this injury. My doctor has told me heat and ice, heat and ice, and stretch. He said it takes a long time for something so inflamed to heal. I hope everything gets better and works out for you! Good luck!

    • Thank you so much for the feedback! Thankfully, this post was from a while ago and I passed student teaching with flying colors while being able to graduate in May 🙂 The only thing now is finding a full-time job but my knee has gotten so much worse. Right now, I have a very part-time tutoring job but that’s about it. I completely agree with all of your hints for student teachers, though. I definitely had days where I wanted to gauge my eyes out but it’s amazing how you just keep wanting to come back for more haha! I’m sorry to hear about your knee problems, too. Unfortunately, I had 3 1/2 surgeries on mine and things are just.. a mess. I’ve tried almost everything you listed but cupping! It has been a long journey to say the least!

  13. Sweet! Yeah, I realized I was posting on a later date, but I wasn’t sure if you were still student teaching or not. Glad you are done! Hope the experience was great.
    The reality is you probably won’t get hired until May, June, or July. Schools have to get everything in order with their FTE’s and whatnot. I was hired in May at the school I interned. Apply for everything and everywhere. Applications should start opening up next month or two. Make sure you are getting your stuff together for your application portfolios. Don’t worry! You are math, you shouldn’t have too difficult of a time finding a job! I promise! There will be so many openings for your subject.
    Ouch! 3 1/2? Holy cow girl! I hope you can start to see some healing soon.

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