Good morning/afternoon/evening, everyone! Depending on where you are located and when you wake up to check blogs, I didn’t know which to include! 😉
My life has been hectic lately and to say I’m not nervous about student teaching would be an understatement. The last two days I was at a two-day “Teaching Strategies” workshop in Harrisburg. The whole time I am sitting in these workshops, I realize how much I am going to stink at student teaching. I know, I know… “You must have confidence.” Well, let me tell you… I have no idea what I’m doing.
Over the past couple of years, I realized more and more how many of my peers excel with what they are studying. I struggle all the time in my mathematics’ courses and I think I’m going to have a really difficult time teaching my students. The main reason? How am I going to teach my students things I don’t remember/understand, either. There’s times when I forget little mathematical formulas and things… This gives me the Heeby-Jeebies times a million. I mean, when I was in the schools it was hard for me to tutor one student or two students… I didn’t know the answers to questions and I’m not okay with this. I’m a firm believer that you’re job as a teacher is to be absolutely set with what you are teaching. It is so important for children to have a teacher who is not only effective but knows/understands what they are teaching their students. I feel like I am just… not cut out for this. And considering it’s almost one week until I’m in my first student teaching placement, I am shaking in my boots.
Not only am I dealing with this… But my knee/leg swelling is not getting better. I am extremely emotional and this is a serious struggle. I would be lying if I said I was not having a lot of bad days with food/ways of thinking. It’s hard for me to want to eat when my knee isn’t getting better… I don’t enjoy anything throughout the day because all activities I enjoy require good knees. I just find myself in the hole of, “Why eat when I wake up every day hating my life?” It’s just really hard to push these thoughts to the side. I haven’t slipped back, but it’s hard for me to make progress. Another thing making me upset is the fact I feel like no one understands the seriousness of what I’m going through… They only are considered with how much I’m eating and the fact I cannot exercise. So, they’re all happy… While I sit here and cry all day/night. In all honesty, I believe I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for the past two weeks. It’s not healthy, believe me… I know. But I just can’t be happy when I’m only 21 years old and feel like I have a knee of a 65-year old woman who has been a maid her whole life. Not good and I might have to pull myself from student teaching because I cannot stand without my whole entire leg become a swollen/uncomfortable mess.
Aside from these two issues, I haven’t really been too busy. I’ve been challenging myself every day no matter what and, in my opinion, that’s moving forward.
I hope everyone is having an amazing beginning of the year… I’m going to keep sticking with my “new year, new life” goal; however, this knee is (literally) holding me back. I just wish one morning I would wake up and feel normal again. I’m praying for a miracle.