More Chips Than Doritos

Surgery tomorrow. Thank you so much for all the prayers and wishes for a speedy recovery! I appreciate all of your comments so much and they really do mean a lot to me πŸ™‚
I.am.so.nervous.

The anesthesiologist called me this morning bright and early to get my medical history and things. I realized how fast this surgery was scheduled and I’m just hoping for the best outcome.

Since I was up early, I decided to get my last workout in before my surgery. It always seems the last workout has to mean something because you never know what will happen in the future. It’s bittersweet. And, naturally, I felt like I needed to do something because I won’t be active for the next… Well, who knows. ED recovery at its finest.

February 2013 068

I did each exercise 40 seconds on, 20 seconds rest and the chest flies, tricep dips, and push-ups with a stability ball. If you have never tried dips on a stability ball, I highly recommend it. It works your core hard. My arms are shaking as I type, so I guess it was a good workout!February 2013 066

I decided to paint my nails the other day for the first time since 2008. Yeap, since 2008 I had either fake nails or a gel manicure. I am in love with Essie’s Butler Please nail polish. It’s like a neon periwinkle. It was relaxing to paint my nails and I forgot why I stopped painting them…February 2013 050

I was quickly reminded two days later when my nails looked like this…February 2013 064

More chips than a Dorito’s bag.Β My patience needs a gel manicure.

A list of things I’m worried about after surgery:
-Nothing is fixed.
-My ED comes on strong and I stop eating because (God forbid) I’m laying around a lot.
-My other knee gets screwed up from overcompensating. I’ve been paranoid this week because it feels weird. I’m driving my mom and myself nuts.
-They amputate my knee by accident.
-Elmo gets mad at me because I’ll be sitting around all the time. I get jealous easily so he better be by my side 24/7. I’ll just carry treats in my pocket.

I’m glad I’m back to blogging because at least I can read about all of you and write about things going on with my recovery. EEEEK, I’m so nervous. My mom and I are tooting up a storm from nerves. TMI? Sorrrrrry!

πŸ™‚ Have a terrific Tuesday!
Wish me luck tomorrow! I’ll need it!

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32 thoughts on “More Chips Than Doritos

    • I know, I just have to keep myself busy and keep reminding myself this is the most important time to get my shit together. Thoughts into actions are the biggest battle. I have all the right thoughts it’s just doing something about it.

  1. I really hope this is the last surgery for you ever. I wish I could give you the blogging suplarative most championesc amount of surgeries. Anyways-I stopped painting my nails because of how fast they chipped too.

    I am glad you are blogging again as well. I think blogging through this surgery will allow you to vent and for us to listen if you feel ovewealmed by thoughts. I know it’s hard to lay around but your knee will thank you. And if they end up amputating…think of all the insurance money you’ll get…just saying LOL. Probably not the best joke.

    • Lol, blogging superlative hahah. It’s so true though. AH, fuck. lol
      I’m really glad to be blogging, too, because I need to go somewhere with all of the struggles I’m going to go through – Biggest being to eat which is fucking ridiculous. And that joke was not funny but SO, so funny! haha!

  2. Good luck in surgery girl! I’m going to be honest, my ED started after my first surgery. I managed it MUCH better after the second one although I still had a lot of disordered thoughts. Be careful and even though you might not be able to workout, fueling is so incredibly important to coming back strong. I know how badly you want to run again, or even live your life, and if you do this right, you’ll be able to have your life back.
    Keep blogging! It’s like your own form of therapy πŸ™‚

    • I know I need to take the bull by the horns this time and just do it. It’s so much easier said than done but I just have to DO IT. Not just think about doing it, but get.shit.done.

      Thank you for the good luck!

  3. Good luck girly, I hope the surgery goes well and none of those things you mentioned happen, hopefully this is your last surgery EVER! And definitely get yourself a manicure- it will make you feel better and more at ease before the surgery, getting my nails done or hair done always relaxes me and you definitely need a treat, also for anyone recovering from an ED it’s a good treat because it doesn’t involve food or a workout :). Keep us posted on your recovery too *hugs*.

    • I got my hair done after my last surgery and it was definitely a pick-me-up! I could not agree. Since I’m recovering from an ED at the same time, it’s definitely important to keep myself busy as much as possible. Thank you so much for the hugs πŸ™‚

    • I know! I can’t win. It’s either spend oodles of money – which could be spent on MUCH important things like peanut butter πŸ˜› – or paint my nails to wait a DAY to have them chip. UGHaklsdjfl

  4. Haha, creative title! I hardly ever paint my fingernails because it annoys me so much when it starts to chip (usually after a day or two).

    I’m wishing you the best of luck tomorrow for your surgery. You have such a positive attitude and a wonderful Dr, I just know you’re going to be alright.

  5. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Lauren! Hope you won’t need any more surgery for your knee after this one!
    As for your worries of ED acting up and making you restrict after surgery: Remind yourself that your body needs a lot of energy to heal and not giving it enough fuel will make recovery take longer. I know how hard it is from my own experience but eating enough really was the only way to recover from several injuries for me.

    • It’s just odd because I know deep down it will speed up recovery and things will go much better if I eat what my body wants; however, it’s like a mental barrier I cannot jump over sometimes. I KNOW it but it’s the act of doing it which just seems to stall day after day. It’s always the “i’ll do it tomorrow” or “i’ll eat it later” excuse. I’m just hoping I can make it through this time! Thank you for the support and well wishes. I need all of the encouragement, advice, and “get shit done” as possible!

  6. Sending big hugs and positive vibes your way, hun. Everything is going to be okay. I would say try not to worry, but I definitely know how hard that can be. Just try to stay positive πŸ™‚ No matter what happens, the world won’t fall apart. Promise.

    And I find Essie to actually be the absolute worst when it comes to chipping. It makes me sad because I love some of their colors, but yeah… they chip bad. Lately I’ve been loving the Revlon Colorstay polishes… they seem to last the longest and require the least amount of maintenance.

    • Thank you so much for the positive vibes. I definitely need them because I am definitely worried about the outcome. I was thinking about you the other day in Target because I remembered reading about your favorite nail polish and I was in LOVE with the hot pink, but when I was looking in the nail polishes I forgot the brand. Womp womp. I need to take my gimp butt to Target to grab some fast so I can paint my nails! I hope this brand works a lot better than Essie!

  7. Good luck tomorrow sweetie! Not that you need luck, I’m positive you’ll come out fine:) It obviously is hard to keep up that positive front, but you can do it!
    Yes! Essie is the worst with chipping, I try to just completely avoid purchasing that brand now. So lame.

  8. Good luck in your surgery tomorrow! I encourage you to reach out to others and read inspiring ED Recovery blogs to stay strong. Nourishing Your Body with food will help speed up our recovery and get you back to activities. This is actually a great time to catch up on recovery readings and identify your disordered thoughts. And learn new coping skills (other than physical activity). Recovery involves a healthy relationship iwth food and exercise and ourselves. Meaning, nourishing ourselves while on ned rest.

  9. OMG I hate painting my nails for that exact reason, and I am just too lazy. Good luck with surgery!! Those fears are normal, but stay strong and know you are not going to fall apart and that rest time is NECESSARY!

  10. Speaking from experience, recovering from knee surgery can be challenging, but you will get through it. Just take it one day at a time. And to be honest with you, I did no physical activity for a month and did not gain a single pound just by maintaining my healthy eating habits. Good luck!

    • I know. It’s a rough time. This is my FOURTH surgery, so I just have never actually recovered from anything. It’s a scary thought to never recover after this one, either. I need to get my eating on track and if I do gain weight, then I guess I wasn’t at my healthy weight to begine with. It’s just easier said than done sometimes.

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