And the Verdict …

Thank you so much for all of the well wishes and good luck! If my report were based on how much your support means to me, I’d have the healthiest knees in the land of knees; unfortunately, my appointment on Tuesday was… not so good news. The MRI report came back with thickened plica in my left knee. I had this removed from my right knee during one of the billion surgeries I’ve had done in the past 2 years, so I’mΒ very worried about it.

The ultimate result is whether or not I’m going to need surgery. Plica is just a tissue band everyone has but only lucky people (do you love my sarcasm?) get it irritated every now and then. They don’t really do surgery on this anymore before you go through PT, cortisone shots, braces, staying off of it… etc. But the worst part is I’ve done all of this now. On Tuesday, my surgeon gave me a cortisone shot which is pretty much the last leg of whether or not this will go away.

I’m not going to lie. I’m scared. You better be damned I’m upset and frustrated. For the past two days I’ve contemplated why I bother to get out of bed in the morning. My first step is either a pinch thanks to Mr. Plica or a swollen mess thanks to Mr. 4 surgeries; in fact, the only thing I do is to get up and try to do an “upper body workout” and then sit around… all day. It’s devastating, depressing, and cannot stand to think of waking up the next morning to do it all again.

I want to have hope the cortisone shot will do something, but so far it has not changed a thing. I want to believe I will wake up tomorrow and things will be gone. I want to believe my massage therapist will be like, “AH-HA, I’ll just do this and it will go away”. I want to say I’ll stop exercising my legs but I have not exercised since about November. I want this all to go away. But it just seems it doesn’t matter how much I want something, it’s just… There. Always.

I would apologize for this being a depressing post but this is my life right now. I feel so lost and out of focus with where the hell my life turned upside down.

There is one positive in this whole thing. The plica is not “impinged” which means it isn’t folded between two bones which needs surgery ASAP; however, it can turn into this situation very easily.

The only question I seem to be asking myself is, “Why bother”? And it’s scary. Really scary.

Thankfully, I contacted Pro-Tec Athletics to ask them for the best product for plica irritation. I love their products (I know Brit agrees!) and since I have about 1000 braces – not joking – I wanted to get their opinion based on reviews/feedback from others. Jennie contacted me back immediately and gave me the name of her recommended knee brace. Also, she offered to send me one free of charge. It makes me want to cry. People are way to gracious. Thanks again, Jennie, I’ll be reviewing this product soon! I hope it helps!

Hopefully I’ll be able to write an enlightening blog later on but, for now, I’m a huge cry baby.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday for me, please!

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21 thoughts on “And the Verdict …

  1. DO NOT APOLOGIZE for being down or posting a ‘depressed post’, your blog is for you and if people can’t handle all sides of you then they can read something else. 2nd, anyone who has ever been seriously injured will understand. I, myself am one of those people. I have had some pretty serious injuries before, ones that they told me I would not come back from, and I was a miserable bitch for a long time about it because running was how I defined myself. I learned to involve other things in my life, but I also fought like hell to come back, and you will do the same thing. The fact that you keep trying new things is amazing and shows your dedication and perseverance. It’s okay to be mad, sad, upset, all of it, you earned that right. Just remember that it’s always going to be worth it in the end, and you will get there, just might take some time. Like I said, I can totally understand how you are feeling I have been there, multiple times.

    • I know what you mean about trying new things, not only with ways to “fix” things but exercising as well. I’ve done more forms of exercising these past few years than I have since I started to run. I was solely focused on running for so long I didn’t know how much I enjoyed spin, pilates, yoga, lifting, and swimming. There’s so much more out there and although I cannot run right now, it doesn’t mean it’s forever.

  2. I wish their was something I could do for you besides just be there for you. I can’t imagine the fear and dread you’re feeling right now. I know that you can get through all of this. You’ve become so strong through all of your surgeries and the emotions afterwards. I know you will come out on the other side with two healthy knees. It may take time and a lot of complication, but I know you can do it!

  3. When I got my cortisone shot for my cyst, it was pretty much the last option before they cut my entire plantar fascia to remove the cyst. (That would mean no running for quite a long amount of time…years….if I ever got to run again). After the shot, it got extremely bad. I was in serious pain for about a week after. Worse than anything I’ve ever felt.

    Then magically it got better. (It still goes off and on though) I hope that is honestly what happens for you. You deserve to catch a break. If you want someone to vent too (as cliche as I sound right now) you can always message/email me.

    • I’m hoping that is the case because this is driving me INSANE. I woke up yesterday and it was the first time I couldn’t bend my fluidly. The massage therapist told me it may be the cortisone shot because it is an injection… It’s just scary to see things get WORSE when they are supposed to be injecting something to make it better.

      It’s not cliche, Holly! I know a lot of people say they have support and stuff but don’t feel like saying it is just sounding like another average joe πŸ™‚

  4. I’m glad you found out that you weren’t crazy and something was wrong. The good news for all of this is that you have an answer. It may not be one you want, but it is something. Hopefully this shot will go the way you want and the pain will go away, your knee will heal, and you’ll be back to normal. It’s a long, terrifying process and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You’re doing so amazing though. Never feel sorry about being down. We all have tough times!

  5. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize for a “downer” post. You are going through A LOT, and it’s only natural that you feel upset. It’s good that you can use your blog as an outlet though.

    I just want to say how much I admire you, Lauren. You’ve been dealt a heck of a lot of crap lately, but you are tackling it so well. You might not see it now, but you are such a strong person, and I really look up to you for that. Keep taking it one day at a time, and have faith that everything will work out as it’s meant to. And if you ever want someone to talk to, you can definitely email me anytime. You’re going to be alright!

    • I always think about when/if this all blows over how much I have learned through this process. It’s just scary thinking it’s never going to fully end. Seriously, I’ve learned so, SO much about many different things so I hope it is put to good use eventually!

  6. Don’t apologize for your post at all, the people who read and support you are here for you through things like this, so don’t think like every single blog has to be happy. I’m glad they caught this early and hopefully with cortisone shots and PT, you won’t need another surgery. *hugs*

  7. I was SO in love with Pro-Tech’s customer service, Jennie was an ANGEL! I hope whatever brace they are sending you helps immensely! I seriously feel so angry for this shit that you’re going through. Your feelings are completely justifiable and I just wish these knee problems would go away for you!! I know it may not seem like it right now, but you are incredibly strong and it takes a strong person to be able to tough through this!! If you ever need a girl date via Skype or email hit me up!! HA!

    • Seriously, she is SO nice. I just e-mailed asking which brace was best for plica and she was like, “We’ll send you one of these for a review!” It was a nice surprise to a very shitty day. GIRL SKYPE DATE, ftw! I need to get Skype on my computer again!

  8. Oh, girl. I am like crying for you while reading this! you don’t deserve to go through any of this! I really hope the cortizone and all helps. Blahhhhh I wish I had 3 wishes. I’d use one to give you bionic legs πŸ™‚

  9. I am very glad you went back to the doctor and he followed through with your concern because clearly you were not being a hypochondriac! I am so sorry you have to go through this; it has to be beyond frustrating and depressing. I know you had been seeing a therapist in college. Are you still seeing one? What can you do at home to help you feel less isolated and depressed? Are there online classes you can take?! I feel so bad! Sending you a big hug!!!!

    • Nope. Honestly, therapists are really not for me. I mean, it’s nice to talk to someone but I talk to my mom a lot more than I did while I was in school. She’s a bit more understanding of what I’m going through and she hears every.single.raw.thought of mine. It’s probably so tough for her and she doesn’t really know the “right” things to say, so I just tell her to just listen and not say anything. That’s the best way to do it. haha. Thanks for the hug! I wish I could come take one of your classes!

  10. Sending love and positive vibes to you!!!! I know you must be struggling, but I believe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, there always is! You will overcome this struggle.
    My Mom had surgery for the same thing, and she’s doing much better! I hope it will be the same for you!
    Keep up the hard work love<3

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