Thinking Out Loud

  Every one of you hit the nail on the head when you said this is a devastating time for me. It’s hard for things to just “hurt” or “nag”, but when you know something is wrong which may require surgery… That’s what makes this hard. I know Hollie knows what I mean with the waiting game. You get a cortisone shot and just wait… and wait… and waitand wait for it to work. The longer it doesn’t, the worse your mood gets and the more time you spend wondering why the hell this is happening. I just do not and will never understand why every injury I seem to have is one which requires surgery. I just do not get it.

I woke up this morning and my knee felt worse. It was stiff and visibly inflamed which was not there in the previous days. I just spent the entire morning in a daze. I’m actually trying to turn my mind off. It’s to the point I will just stare at something and I won’t be thinking one thing. I’ll realize 30 minutes have passed and I was sitting staring at a decoration in our house. Oof. Most days I just go for my morning cup of Joe and put on an ‘ole happy face. Caffeine probably makes me more anxious, but meh.

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I’m trying to think positive or think of ways to just be pro-active about recovering from this, but again, I don’t have control over something which may only heal from surgery. What am I supposed to do? I’m not a doctor and I don’t know what makes it better/worse. I don’t know if it’s getting better or worse daily because I don’t have an MRI machine with me 24/7. They should definitely make those possible. Meanwhile, I just sit around and talk to Elmo. I have way too many conversations with him.
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I was even starting to think of things to do today about positive thinking but I realized IT DOESN’T FIX ANYTHING EITHER. So I Google search stories and look for something positive – which does not exist on the injured knees blogs – so I just tune everything out again. Eeek. There are certain ups to my day. I won a free 2 lb. batch of Birthday Cake protein powder from About Time through Instagram. It’s a shame money can’t buy happiness. Damnit. I will enjoy this protein at least. 🙂 Thanks, About Time.
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Also, I made 60$ this week tutoring because the girl is beyond confused about the current subject. I wanted to stay longer with her two days so I could guide her through the process and practice, practice, practice. It’s true… In math, practice makes perfect. The girl was really starting to get it today. This made me feel good, too. I like turning worried faces into determined faces. I just hope I can do this and I don’t have to take additional classes for an accounting major because my knees are shot and I can’t stand long enough to teach anymore.

Please enlighten me with a positive thought!


7 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud

  1. I can only imagine how stressed, frustrated, and upset you feel right now. Just keep trying to look for the positive things in your day. On some days, it may be difficult to find those positive things, but I promise you, they are there if you look hard enough. And remember that this whole experience, as much as it sucks, is making you stronger. When you heal from this one day (and you will), you’ll be unstoppable.

    Hang in there. You’re in my thoughts and prayers ❤

  2. Gosh I can’t even imagine but it looks like you are doing well with trying to stay distracted. That is the best thing you can do. Your dog is just too cute, gosh the little face out the window. Stay positive lady, you are in my thoughts!

  3. One of my favorite quotes is: We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Stay positive (and busy). We’re all sending you positive thoughts!!!

  4. I am so impressed that you tutor/teach math. That subject was so hard for me and it takes a super smart person to get it!! Not to mention, most math lovers are not hot..but YOU baby..are one fine mama!!

  5. BAH. Sorry it has taken me a couple days to catch up on this. I know how much waiting and not knowing is far less enjoyable than actually knowing. I’d rather break a bone, know it will heal in two months versus having some whack injury that god knows when it will heal.

    You are such an inspiration seriously and I’m glad you started blogging again.

  6. Sorry to hear you’re still dealing with your injury and are in the blue about what might help in recovery. It’s inspiring how you’re keeping your focus on the happy things in life – however small they might be at times. That’s the right attitude! I’m sure Elmo would agree if I told you there can never be too many conversations with him.
    Yay for helping the girl out in Math! I used to tutor children, Nothing compares to the feeling of having helped somebody be successful in a subject that’s hard to understand for them.

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