thursday thoughts: breaking all the rules

I like to make Thursdays a day where I talk about an ED-related topic. It’s easier for me to write a post throughout the week about a struggle I’ve had and post it every Thursday; plus, I don’t like to dwell on recovery because it seems the more I dwell on it, the harder it is for me to actually recover. Thankfully, I found Alex’s blog when I came back from my blogging hiatus and I wish I would have found her blog sooner because the girl is amazing.

After reading one of her most recent posts, I realized how much “doing one thing a day that scares you” helps throughout recovery. After trying to “recover” countless times, I found slipping back into ED-related thoughts very quickly because I wasn’t adapting to my recovery life. Sure, I was eating more but I was not taking myself out of the comfort zone. I was still exercising too much, eating too little, and giving myself way too many food rules.

It wasn’t until I let my food rules go one by one when I really started putting on weight, feeling happier, and feeling healthier. The more rules I let go, the better I felt because I was living life not just going through the motions. I am not going to sit here and say it’s easy because it is not easy at all. It does not matter whether you have an eating disorder or not, if you take yourself out of your comfort zone it is a struggle. It does not matter whether you ask a runner, business man, or a baker if it’s hard to take a day off or change a schedule, because you’ll get the same answer… It is.

You have to take it one step at a time and realize if you switch things up things will not fall apart! One by one you take yourself through all of the rules you have set for yourself and challenge them. This recovery is so different from all of the times I have recovered because I am no longer in denial, challenge myself every day, and step outside of the comfort zone my disordered eating created for myself.

After spending countless months doing absolutely no exercise, I realize taking one, two, or three days off a week will not kill you. At all. I can say these knee surgeries have taught me a lot from the importance of properly fueling your body, as well as the importance of just taking a day off. There is no easy way around it and no short-cuts, you have to challenge yourself to see the way you truly want to live. For me, I found out I don’t miss DQ blizzards as much as I thought but bakery cookies are a totally different story! It’s all about trial and error.

So, if you find yourself in a rut or in a bad place whether it’s physically, emotionally, or mentally… Take things upon yourself and make a change. Do one thing a day which scares you and see how you feel. You might surprise yourself.

How do you get out of a rut?
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a “comfortable” place due to fear of taking a chance?


20 thoughts on “thursday thoughts: breaking all the rules

  1. Ruts are a pain, but also part of life. If its a fitness/running related rut I like to mix things up- take a new class, run a new route, buy a new running outfit (nothing makes you wanna work out more than a new outfit!). If it’s emotional- Sometimes I take a “me”day, sometimes that means laying around and watching movies all day, sometimes It means running errands and getting things done to feel productive, sometimes it means shopping or spa day. Depends on what I am craving or really needing.

    • I love getting new running outfits. Even if I am running outside and barely anyone can see me, I just love the feeling of something being new! Spa day sounds like a great “me” day!

  2. oh man this made me beam for you. I am so freaking happy you understand this and PRACTICE it which is more than a lot can say. keep that up, it is what will get you to keep moving forward rather than back. You always know where to reach me if you ever want to chat! I can’t wait to see how you continue to break those rules.

    • Thanks, girl! 😀 And yes, it is just freeing to be able to break them and move forward. Even if I feel a little “guilt” afterward, I still did it and made it easier for myself to do it again. Feels good.

  3. So I’m siting here grinning like a goofball. So happy for you, girl! I went through the same thing in recovery. For the longest time, I was convinced that I was recovered simply because I was no longer as sick and able to function well enough. But I was still caught up in so many rules and rituals that were holding me back from living the kind of life that I really wanted. It wasn’t until I began to challenge those that I finally experienced what true recovery was. Sure it was hard as hell, but the feeling of freedom got to be addictive…

    • It IS addicting. So addicting, actually. I find myself taking on challenges twice or more a day because I am just so over all of it. It is true, the only way to truly recover is doing it for yourself. I found if I was recovering for other people and just shoving certain foods in my mouth to gain weight, I would relapse because I was SO unhappy. Now, I am eating WHOLE foods and chocolate (in moderation ;)) and it feels GOOD.

  4. I have the exact opposite problem you have (I take ALL the days off and don’t exercise at all, and I am very comfortable eating nonstop), but the “one change a day” idea really works in both situations. I’m not going to get up and run 10 miles (or run at all…ever) but taking a 15 minute walk is completely doable and it is a start. This was really inspiring, thank you!

    • I am glad you understood what I meant by small changes in an aspect of your life 😀 It’s definitely not possible to get up and decide to run one day and expect to be a marathon runner; however, you may find yourself wishing to start jogging after you repetitively keep walking each day! Once you tackle one, you’ll want more!

  5. This is an amazing post. I am in recovery from ED and I love the idea of challenging your self once a day. I should try that. I have so many rules that ED makes me follow. I need to get them out of my head. Thanks for the post!

    • Seriously, take one each day whether it’s timing, measuring, amounts, foods, etc. Do one thing which scares you each day and challenge it. You might feel guilty about it the rest of the day but you’ll wake up and keep waking up realizing nothing bad happened at all. It’s so freeing.

  6. I loooooove this post! You’re so right, no matter who you are or what you do for a living, etc., change is HARD! But you’re also right in saying that it’s worth it! So proud of you for challenging yourself!

  7. i think ruts are necessary in order for you to shake things up, otherwise you’ll never change! i agree with taking baby steps; fear is what prevents us from trying new things but when you take baby steps – instead of taking everyone on at once – you’re more likely to keep trying new things because you realize new things are actually pretty awesome!

  8. I SUCK at getting out of ruts. In fact, I’ve been in a binge eating/no working out rut all summer and instead of getting down 10 pounds, I’ve gained 5 😦 And now I am all worked up about it and just eating more. Blahhhh.

    Give me your attitude, please!

  9. Great great post lovely! I totally went through all of these steps in recovery as well.
    It’s really hard, and sometimes I notice myself still with some old tendencies that I for sure need to work on because they’re not exactly normal. And these things really DO hold us back from living a full life. I remember my therapist always said I could choose a half life with a semi recovery or a full life with full recovery and it’s SO true that you can’t really live a full life with an ED. It just isn’t possible. And now I know I want to challenge those beliefs and really start living.
    So proud of you ❤

    • Your therapist is SO right. Every time I get down on myself, I think about the life I am living and it is like living a half life. And, I feel like I am just fooling myself in believing I can keep this going the rest of my life and appear “normal” because the rules I have for myself are far from it. I know my life without ED will be so much more freeing than a life being thin.

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