coffee buzz like a bee

You know those mornings where you wake up and drink a ton of coffee while you scan your eyes across blog posts at a speedy rate. Meanwhile, you’re fingers are going at a mile a minute (that’s what she said) over the keys and you can’t seem to control them? I’m having one of those mornings. ALL THE COFFEE.

I took a few days off to try and update my blog. I finally bought my own domain and changed the layout a little bit. I really want to be able to connect with people better, so I hope I can catch on to things pretty fast because… Well, I like you all a lot. Open-mouthed smile

Coffee buzz and blogging problems aside, this weekend and week was full of firsts and a lot of good. I was stepping out of my comfort zone and enjoying a life I left behind for about two years. For the first time in forever, I went to the West Reading Fall Fest and the nearby outlets with my mom. The fair was pretty small but it was nice to see local vendors, eat good food, and watch people do Bikram Yoga in the street with Elmo and my mom. Elmo isn’t around a lot of people (aside from family), so he was being so good the entire time. I was a proud of him and proud of myself for eating things I haven’t eaten in a long time: Say Cheese! grilled cheese, a macaron, and a cake ball.

I used to drive somewhere every day before my knee surgery. It was a mix of getting out of the house, being myself so I didn’t have to eat, and walking around aimlessly looking at things whether it be King of Prussia mall or Barnes and Noble. Although I never went anywhere with anyone, I got out of the house a lot and I cannot believe it’s been over two years since I’ve been to KOP when I used to go about every other day. I just to go everywhere.

There were a lot of things different about this trip with my mom. First, I was with my mom. Our relationship has changed so much over the past few months I cannot believe it. After being open with my mom about all of my eating disordered thoughts, things just seem a lot easier for me now. She knows I have anxieties about eating entire desserts (something I need to work on), so it’s easier for me to share things and have no guilt. Needless to say, she offered to share a macaron and cake ball with me. It’s just so refreshing she’s on my level and helps me overcome these obstacles.

Another new thing? This may seem really odd to some but for a long time I stopped eating bread and cheese. At the fair, I got a grilled cheese from a stand where there was no option to “go light on the cheese” or “don’t butter the bread”. I just ate two foods I shied away from a few months ago… together. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but it is a big deal and a huge high five to me.

The next day we headed to the outlets so my mom could get some new shoes. After several attempts from her to buy me something, I finally let her buy me a tweed trench coat from Guess. I have a lot of guilt with the fact my mom pays for all of my things, including food, doctor, coffee, etc. because of my knee surgery. I wouldn’t let her buy me anything but she really wanted to buy me this jacket. I love her so much. So much love.

After getting a bad text on Thursday, (possibly seventh surgery) I needed this weekend in the worst way. This was the first time in forever I got out of my house to do something fun. The only thing I wish was I didn’t feel “rushed” and could fully enjoy everything around me. My knee gives me trouble and I tend to lose interest in what I’m doing because it isn’t anywhere close to feeling “normal”. It’s like a race between my knee and I to who is going to last the longest. It’s huge “whomp, whomp” for me but I go to my doctor this Thursday. Wish me luck!

What’s the last thing you bought shopping?
Do you like my new layout? Anything I should add/remove/change?

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30 thoughts on “coffee buzz like a bee

  1. I LOVE THE NEW LAYOUT!! Congrats on buying your domain name whooo!! This adventure time with your mom sound wonderful, and I am so happy/proud of you for stepping so much outside of your comfort zone!! TWO high fives for you, at the same time!

  2. I love the new layout and the domain :). I remember how much you talked about the mom issues in your earlier blogs and I’m glad you two have gotten closer since the surgeries and that she’s supporting you in your ED recovery and knee recovery. I think that I have gotten closer to mine too as I’ve gotten older, but like you I still feel a little guilty when they buy me things (especially since I work and have a pretty good job for what my degree’s in).

    I’ve been to KoP. I went to Philly on a school trip in college and we went there, so it’s neat to read that you did too! And grilled cheeses are so tasty, we have a restaurant dedicated to them here in Charleston hehe.

    • I think relationships with moms totally change once you get older. She was my worst enemy growing up but now she’s probably my best friend. I live about 40 minutes from KOP so I went there FAR too often. SO many stores.

  3. Love the look of your blog girl!!! Also, you are going to be my inspiration to get through this rough patch. I’ve seen you completely transform since I began reading your blog. Completely and 100%. Grilled cheese is delicious and while I don’t exactly “cut” food groups, I do have fear foods. The progress you’ve made is really incredible and I’m so glad you had a great weekend with your mom!!

    • Thank you! 😀 I don’t have fear foods but more of foods I avoid to eat. It’s weird because I know they’re good for me and I like them, but just don’t ever get myself to go BY them and eat something else instead.

  4. I actually really like the new lay out of your blog. It’s very easy and clean (which is my favorite new blog design ha). I love watching you transform and finding everything you need and want from life. Honestly when we move I cannot wait to meet! It’s on my top to do list LOL.

  5. I’m so glad that you got to do something fun! Macaroons & cake pops are delicious 🙂 So is grilled cheese, but only with tomato soup 🙂

  6. Awwr yay for the new domain and layout! It looks great, and I’m especially loving the little paws in the bg 😉 And I love, LOVE that you had such a good weekend with your mom. My ED definitely put a strain on my relationship with my parents, but in the end, the whole thing brought us closer than ever and now I consider them pretty much my best friends. And grilled cheeeeeese… seriously one of the best foods ever.

    • I agree 100%. My relationship with my dad is pretty rocky but my relationship with my mother.. Gosh, she’s just my rock right now. I couldn’t imagine saying this at ANY time throughout my life because we were never close but now… It’s totally different! I hope, with time, my relationship with my dad gets better, too. I was always daddy’s little girl so it’s hard sometimes!

  7. First of all, congrats on all of the positive advancements you’ve been making! Your relationship with your mom, yourself, and food. That’s a lot of awesomeness right there. I love the picture of you, too. You look so happy! I want to visit KOP so bad one day! If I do, we should totally meet up!

    I love your new layout. Your header is adorable!!

    Good luck at the doctors today. Keep us posted <333

  8. YES YES AND YES. aw man this post is what I wanted to read and glad I read to start my day. You deserve all of this and I think you totally get it right now. I hope for goodness sake you don’t have to get another surgery but maybe it will be for the better? Keep pushing, so happy for you. I Mean it!

    • Thanks, girl! Your posts brighten my day, too, believe me! And I really see myself understanding more and more things about myself every day. I’ve come far and have a long way to go but being honest with myself is 100% the most important thing. Surgery might be on the horizon but you’re right. It might be for the better. ❤

  9. Love the new layout, and well all the coffee needs to happen every morning! I’m so glad to hear your relationship with your mom is easier since you were open and honest with her- I hope is continues to be that way. Support is incredibly important!

  10. that photo of you is so lovely! i’m sorry to hear you might have another surgery coming. fingers crossed you don’t! another SOLID music choice from you…”new slang” ahhh, reminds me of my college-era obsession with the movie ‘garden state’ (movie poster in my freshman dorm and all). i too have gotten super close to my mom since being honest about my ED. she has struggled with demons of her own in the past and still even struggles off and on today so we support each other. she gets my quirks and sometimes even needs a reminder that it’s ok to eat m&m’s sometimes when you’re just feelin’ them. i totally get what a huge deal it is to eat a grilled cheese at a fair. i did that a few months ago and i honestly couldn’t believe that i was eating a grilled cheese. it’s buttered bread with cheese as a sandwich filling. FEAR FOODS GALORE. but i told myself that if it was too much for my body, my body would tell me and i’d get full before i could finish it. but i didn’t get full. so i finished it. TAKE THAT ED!

    • I think it’s wonderful your mom is open about her own problems! It’s amazing how much our relationships with our mothers change once we’re fully open and honest with them. She’s my rock right now and I never, ever imagined myself saying that once in my life. And it’s EXACTLY how I felt after eating the grilled cheese. It didn’t kill me and I loved it, so HA.

  11. Is it sad that I haven’t really bought anything other than a bookshelf and some groceries lately? I suck haha So happy you had a great weekend and pushed your boundaries a bit 🙂

  12. I was wondering where you went! Love the layout- it is fitting for you, Elmo, and the overall blog 🙂
    Last thing I bought: Dunkin Donuts black coffee after this morning’s long run 🙂

    Have a great weekend!

  13. The blog looks amazing! And I’m SO happy to hear you got out of the house and spent some time with your Mom. It sounds like once you were finally able to be honest about thing, she understood you more and really was able to connect with you. That’s exactly how I felt with my Mom and our relationship as well!

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