After a couple days of processing everything, I decided to take the advice from all of you and wait it out until I got the final results from my MRI. Okay, okay… so I freaked out pretty much every day and had myself convinced I had necrosis, but it turns out things aren’t as bad as I thought. Look at that!
Insert sigh of relief and hugs to everyone here. Your thoughts and prayers turned out to work their magic!
On Thursday, I woke up to a text message from my surgeon declaring “NO necrosis”. Besides Kelly and Michael, this was quite possibly the best way I could have started my day. At the appointment, my surgeon told me to lay off running for a little while because my bone was still in the healing process and he may have jumped the gun a little bit. For now, I’m supposed to do pretty much any activity which is low impact which is fine by me!
No bone death! Hooray!
After my appointment, I left kind of upset and frustrated with everything. These past few days have been an emotional battle to say the least. I’ll be “fine” one minute and the next my eyes will well up with tears and here’s why…
My initial appointment was to figure out why I was getting bloody fluid in my knee. My surgeon was talking about doing an injection approach mixed with some oral steroids to really kick the fluid out of my knee. It wasn’t until my necrosis scare where everything was put on hold; however, after this appointment I realized I wasn’t given much of anything except a month of waiting around for the fluid to go away. It’s always there and it frustrated me to know there’s nothing I can pro-actively do to get it to go away. It takes medical intervention and quite honestly… I’m getting impatient waiting around so long.
I have been through this waiting game before to get another surgery months later because the fluids never went away. I don’t want this to happen again. I don’t want to wait around for months trying to heal something which cannot heal on its own. It’s very frustrating because I have been dealing with this for over two years.
What was even more embarrassing was panicking to my surgeon about the whole thing and him responding, “Enough”. Yeah, it makes me embarrassed to even go in his office again. I must be a joy, right?
I’m just really scared. Plain and simple. And I will openly admit I am living each day in fear this never goes away.
I know this was a long and lengthy post. It took me a while to just sit down and grasp everything, but I’ll be tomorrow with stuff I’ve been doing as of late. Surprisingly, I’ve had one of the best weekends of my life this past weekend.
Happy Tuesday (the most boring day of the entire week)!