goodbye november

Hi there! Long time now talk, eh? I wish I could say I have been up to a whole lot but nothing special is going on around here. To be honest, I am just having a tough time right now. The “funk” I was having seems to be extending over a couple of weeks.

It’s one of those things I cannot seem to shake… It’s like a rush of emotions which keeps hitting me like a sack of bricks. Unfortunately, right when I think it is gone… I will just get this incredible feel of sadness in my heart. It sounds lame, yes, but it is so true.

I feel really unaccomplished right now. It is hard from going to being in school to being graduated, injured/recovering (constantly), and unemployed. I try to focus on the positive, breathe, set goals, yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes… those things just don’t work. At the end of the day, I just realize I am not contributing anything to the world and frankly… I feel like I am doing nothing in my life except for costing people money.

I know a lot of people go through this after they’ve graduated from school, but I feel like I’m going through a quarter life crisis. Is this even possible? I’m not really sure, but I just feel like I have no mission in life right now. I wake up and do the same thing almost every day. I could write my schedule hour by hour and you could probably text me at a certain time and say, “I bet you’re doing this right now”.

And, well…  You’d be right.

As far as “recovery”, I have been pretty much on the up and up. I still have bad days, but for the most part… things are just getting better and better. I have some body image problems, but the thing is… This my body and if it is meant to look this way at a natural state… I’m just not fighting it anymore. Believe me, it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies but you get to a point of wondering, “Why am I fighting to be this way”?

Answer: There’s no justifiable reason except for control, perfectionism, and things which are so little in the grand scheme of things.

Aside from my ramblings, I just wanted to pop in to say thank you to Tracie for my foodie pen pal package this month (random, I know). My favorite thing in the package was a local dressing called, “The Pink Stuff”. Tracie said you either love it or hate it, but I am definitely a fan.
Thanks again, Tracie!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I have been reading religiously, but just cannot seem to get my thoughts in order right now. I’ve been either a silent reader or letting you know I’m alive by clicking the little Red heart on Bloglovin’.

Well, my brother is here for a visit so I’m off to go spend some time with family. Catch ya later!


20 thoughts on “goodbye november

  1. I’m sorry things haven’t been great with you and the “funk.” I can’t completely relate yet since I’m still in college but know that I feel for you and I do hope you are able to find a way out of it. Sometimes it just takes time but I know life will work itself out for you. I’m glad to hear recovery is going well though! Hang in there girl xoxo

  2. Funks are unfortunately part of life and I have had my fair share of ones that last a few weeks, I am always here if you need someone to vent to. You ARE a contributing member of society. You have pushed through so much and are an incredibly inspiring and supportive person to those around you. I hope you have a great time with family and had a FABULOUS thanksgiving, you deserve it! *HUGS*

  3. Funks happen and so do quarter life crises. I had one myself in the first year of my first job where I was absolutely miserable and considering quitting and going to work at a store or something (anything but that place). Then I considered grad school, moving away, technical college, etc. I finally ended up getting another job and just ended up where I needed to be, thank goodness. Sometimes you just have to ride these things out and do what you can- and do the best you can with what you have. You have overcome a lot and recovered a lot (both mentally and physically).

    The pink dressing looks kinda weird but I’d try it! On the side, of course ;). If it tastes good and you like it, that’s what matters!

  4. Oh them funks — I definitely went through my fair share of those, with the last biggest one happening around the time I was on the tail-end of my recovery. I know it’s hard to feel like you’re stuck in place with nothing going for you, but coming out of an ED is a HUGE deal and can often be all-consuming. It’s stolen a lot from you, and now you’re working on getting things back, but it takes time. Hang in there, love — it DOES get better, you just have to be patient and forgiving with yourself.

  5. Oh hun, I know those funks all too well. It’s like your life just isn’t panning out to what you thought it would be by now and there isn’t much you can do to feel better about it. However, I am SO proud of you for doing well in recovery…that alone can swarm you with emotions that are hard to handle, but in the end you are doing it, and that is INCREDIBLE!! You are so much stronger than you think…truly. And you’re an incredible role model for so many people. Me included.

    Keep on fighting. The funk will end eventually and until then just continue taking care of yourself the best you can. ❤

  6. I feel you on that funk. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been in one lately. I’m an e-mail away if you need someone to talk to<3
    I know it seems like you're stick right now, but I guarantee things will improve! They always do, but it takes a lot of patience (which is totally the hardest part!)

  7. Sorry about the extended funk babe. We all go through them, trust me, they just manifest themselves in different ways. Even though things are kind of BLEH, I am glad to hear that you are doing well with your body image at least!! If there is ONE thing to be positive and focus on, that should be it, because that is HUGE girl ❤

  8. Sorry you are still feeling that emptiness in your heart. It doesn’t sound cheesy; I totally know what it feels like. Remember you’re not alone and it will go away, it does get better. Don’t lose hope!

  9. I’m glad you posted, it’s good to know that even though you are in a funk, you are functioning for the most part. I had a quarter life crisis for sure. I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up until I was 36.

  10. I definitely get the post-grad funk…I think that had a lot to do with my decision to go to grad school – delaying the ‘oh shit, what am I doing with my life’ thing a few years. It sucks, for sure, but everyone keeps telling me that eventually you figure it out – and I know you will too. On the positive side, I’m happy to hear that things are still going well for you in recovery! Hang in there lady, things will turn around for you. ❤

  11. sorry you are in a funk, I can definitely relate. I had plenty of quarter life crisis and I am sure I will have more of them! Just try to stay as positive as possible, for example recovery is something to be very proud of! Keep up the good work

  12. I’m new here, and it sounds like I have some catching up to do! I can totally relate, but I think it’s the times that we feel down and in a ‘funk’ that we find out what we really want to be doing in life. I go through times like that a lot and it’s when I realize what i need to change in my life to make me happy. I hope you find what that is!=)

  13. I’m also new here but I totally understand what you mean by this funk! I’m in graduate school now and I know last year I went through a post-university funk that went out way too long. And re body image, ugh, it took me 22 years (yes, I’m 22) to finally realise I can’t fight this fight with my body. Currently just living my life and enjoying it! I will go slow, finally stick to my pilates and love my body! It’s clearly not as easy as it sounds but the more I say it the more I’m believing it!

    Anyway, I’m glad to hear things are looking up. And your foodie pen pal package looks packed with some GOOD things!

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