I ran today.
It isn’t much of a confession as it is a blind statement. There is so much going on and it feels like I’m carrying a suitcase in my chest. It’s just gathering more and more pieces while slowly weighing me down. And don’t even think about sitting on it to try to get it to shut, because there will be frustrations and blurbs of emotion popping out left and right.
I ran four days from my next surgery.
It’s not so much of a surgery, but a “cleansing” of my knee. It’s still a scope, though, and still another surgery. Afterwards, I will have to walk around like a pirate with a peg leg while struggling to use the bathroom because my leg is locked straight. Those are the worst (but funniest for everyone else) times of the surgery.
And who knows how long it will be until the swelling goes down. Oh, the swelling. My arch nemesis in disguise. For a “normal” human being (I use the term “normal” loosely), the swelling should go down pretty fast from a “cleansing” surgery. For me, it will probably take months.
And who knows if this is what I need for my knee? Certainly, I have exhausted all blood tests, liver biopsies, and bone scans to rule out anything and everything. Osteoporosis? Nope. Liver disease? Nope. Healthy as a horse if a horse had a bum knee.
It’s weird because right now my knee is in no worse of a shape than it would be on a day I didn’t run. It’s not more swollen or more painful. Just about the normal, but the endorphins are making everything easier to deal with right now.
At this time, I need one of those huge screaming, shouting, punching, and dramatically crying scenes in a movie so I can empty myself of emotions. It is to the point I turn crimson red when I am the slightest bit overwhelmed because this damn suitcase on my chest is packed full. It cannot hold anymore disappointment or anxiety, so it turns it into bright red cheeks instead.
So, yeah… I ran today. It felt good. I needed it. I figured now would be the best time as any, right?