good news… kinda

Good news! My MRI results came back with good results. I do have minor edema/swelling which is obvious if you just take a peek at my knee, but the bone seems to be healing and not rejecting the bone graft. Phew!

This kind of news is always bittersweet to me. Whenever I get test results back I am almost hoping for something to show up. I know, I know! Who in their right mind wants something to show up on blood results, MRIs, labs, etc.? But after going through this for three years with continuing spontaneous knee effusions… You just kind of want to move on from it all.

My biggest headache right now is trying to decide the right path to take with my career. Do I want to go back to school? Do I want to go into finance, accounting, or some other type of desk job? Am I smart enough to become an actuary (read: no)? What if I go back to school for something different and I hate my job?

It is a lot of questions running through my mind and the longer I sit around, the more I realize my education is going to shit because I forget most of the material. I purchased a book to study for the actuarial exams a few months back and realize there is no way I can self-study for this exam. I would need to enroll in some sort of online class to keep myself accountable and get help when I need it (all the time).

Since I know I am a perfectionist, I know for a fact if I put my mind to something I can accomplish it. It has its drawbacks, such as six years with an ED, but for the most part… I like my drive to succeed in things. It just is hard to write this on a cover letter or reciprocate it to an employer begging them to give you a shot.

I have been applying to things I am less qualified for than the rest of the applicants, but I just wish someone would give me a hand. Help a girl out, yanno?

I just feel really lost with the whole career thing and to an outsider’s view, I am pretty much a bum right now. I want to be successful. I want to make a name for myself. I just want to move on with my life!!!

But, for now, I am just enjoying OMGALLTHEPUMPKIN. such as pumpkin pancakes with chocolate chips from a local diner (my favorite).

And Elmo. Always Elmo.

Love his little bunny butt.Red heart

xo Laur


8 thoughts on “good news… kinda

  1. I’m glad your knee seems to be doing better and not rejecting the bone graft. Plus, it’s a great time of year for pumpkin lovers- I think pumpkin pancakes with chocolate chips would be delicious!

    I can understand about the accountability to study. I tried to do some online coding courses, and it went well for the basic material, but I really need someone on my back to study for things when I don’t “have to” (it’s more of a “nice to know” thing for my job). I think an online course or even if you had someone locally to study with might help?

  2. If you want to do it, you will. You’ve been working your way through a lot of crap over these past few years, and some things had to get put on the back burner — the same thing happened to me when I was dealing with my ED. But the less attention you need to devote to those kind of things, the easier it becomes to focus on others and move on. Things really do have a way of happening when they’re supposed to 🙂

  3. So glad to hear the news about the MRI. I can only imagine how hard it has been going through all of that for so long. As for the career stuff, I can totally relate. A few years ago I really didn’t know what I wanted to do anymore. Bounced around a bit, considered more school. Then someone took a chance on me for a basic position which turned out to be something I could make into a career. All it takes is one person to take a chance on you girl, and they will. Keep your head up, you have a lot to offer!

  4. I’m happy to hear things are going well with your knee so far! I know it probably would be easier to actually know what is wrong, and then be able to just treat it. I get exactly what you’re saying!

    I think you are definitely, 100% smart enough and driven to study to become an actuary. Just go for it! Enroll in an online class, get the help you need! My friend is an actuary and she makes so much money, so that’s always a motivator 🙂

  5. I can really relate to your situation with trying to figure out what career track to take. I had thought about suggesting the actuarial field to you after reading a few of your previous posts, so now I feel compelled to share a bit of advice and a few words of encouragement!

    When I graduated about three years ago, I didn’t know for sure what path I wanted to follow. I had an actuarial science minor, but it wasn’t closely related to either of my degrees. After months of applying for all types of jobs with no results, I decided to start studying for Exam P and passed it just after I landed an actuarial internship with a life insurance co. in the Philadelphia area. I’ve been working as an actuary for the past 2+ years, and it is definitely a great–albeit, tough–field to get into.

    If you’re interested in studying for one of the exams and getting into the field, that’s a great first step! Many of my coworkers and others came from different educational backgrounds, and more or less “stumbled” across the profession as they were graduating or starting their careers. Actuarial internships seem to be the trend in getting your foot in the door at most companies these days. If you’re committed to taking an exam, I’d recommend the ADAPT practice exams at…most people swear by them and they are easier to tackle than reading a lengthy textbook. The ASM study manuals are also a good tool. If you’d like any other advice on the exams or insight into the field/insurance industry, I’d be happy to help. Best of luck!

    • I am so glad you decided to comment! I would really, really like to talk to you more about this because it seems like you would have a lot of resources/experience to help me! My e-mail is I hope you e-mail me soon so we can chat! I’m looking at the Philadelphia area right now to get an internship but it seems like I am having zero luck. Yikes!

  6. Remember, just because you go to school for one thing, doesn’t mean it’s what you have to do forever, or at all! I went to school to be a teacher and now I am full time nanny! Love it BTW…You are gorgeous and have so much going for you!! Hang in there 🙂

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