Good news! My MRI results came back with good results. I do have minor edema/swelling which is obvious if you just take a peek at my knee, but the bone seems to be healing and not rejecting the bone graft. Phew!
This kind of news is always bittersweet to me. Whenever I get test results back I am almost hoping for something to show up. I know, I know! Who in their right mind wants something to show up on blood results, MRIs, labs, etc.? But after going through this for three years with continuing spontaneous knee effusions… You just kind of want to move on from it all.
My biggest headache right now is trying to decide the right path to take with my career. Do I want to go back to school? Do I want to go into finance, accounting, or some other type of desk job? Am I smart enough to become an actuary (read: no)? What if I go back to school for something different and I hate my job?
It is a lot of questions running through my mind and the longer I sit around, the more I realize my education is going to shit because I forget most of the material. I purchased a book to study for the actuarial exams a few months back and realize there is no way I can self-study for this exam. I would need to enroll in some sort of online class to keep myself accountable and get help when I need it (all the time).
Since I know I am a perfectionist, I know for a fact if I put my mind to something I can accomplish it. It has its drawbacks, such as six years with an ED, but for the most part… I like my drive to succeed in things. It just is hard to write this on a cover letter or reciprocate it to an employer begging them to give you a shot.
I have been applying to things I am less qualified for than the rest of the applicants, but I just wish someone would give me a hand. Help a girl out, yanno?
I just feel really lost with the whole career thing and to an outsider’s view, I am pretty much a bum right now. I want to be successful. I want to make a name for myself. I just want to move on with my life!!!
But, for now, I am just enjoying OMGALLTHEPUMPKIN. such as pumpkin pancakes with chocolate chips from a local diner (my favorite).
And Elmo. Always Elmo.
Love his little bunny butt.