I feel like I am in a tough position of my life. My mind is bouncing back and forth on what the next step should be for my career.
I know a lot of people say to “trust the process” but my process seems to be going nowhere fast at this rate. I need to take action and I need to figure out what I am going to do because sitting around feeling my brain rotting and becoming worthless isn’t cutting it.
The times I feel unsuccessful and lost are the worst times for me. I end up shutting myself out from the world and pretty much disappearing from the public eye… even my family.
I wish I had some kind of answer for what to do next but I am just so unsure about the commitment. If I go back to school… what do I go back for? Do I take online courses, go to a local college, or commute to a nicer college in Philly?
The site www.coachingactuaries.com was brought to my attention through a comment; and after perusing the website, I started to consider buying the eCourse package (a whopping $400) to study for the first exam. The thing is… I really, really feel like no matter how much I study I wouldn’t be able to pass these tests.
Throughout my schooling, I knew I could get decent grades by studying my ass off and praying I would pass the next exam. My self confidence was soured by those who just grasped mathematics at a different level. I still say to people there are those who love mathematics and those who are genius mathematicians. I do not fall in the latter.
It just scares me. Do I commit to this or just continue to get some kind of “sign” to where I am supposed to go from here?
I feel so lost and it is kind of getting to me. I wish I could say I do not get into depressed modes anymore, but alas… It’s about the time I admit I am going through a bit of a rough patch. I keep it pretty private these days, but I do not know if that’s better or making it worse.
Who knows? AHH, I don’t know anything!!! (insert over exaggeration)